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Been a While

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It’s been a while

Since you’ve hurt me this badly

It was just a matter of time sadly

When I needed you, you weren’t here

You were out with friends drinking beer

And more? How will I ever know?

I guess it wasn’t even that long ago

That you blew me off and blew someone else

Then made me feel the fault was in myself

So talented at making me the bad guy

While you have fun and roll so high

All the while blaming me for your deeds

Leaving me with my unfulfilled needs

Then mocking me for the feelings I have

Holding my broken heart as you laugh

And spit in my face while I cry

Hurting me to the point I’d rather die

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Building my Cage

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Born free?

Hardly.

Every actions and reaction

Another bar on the cage

Every hurt and every pain

Another bar on the cage

Every time I cry aloud

Another bar on the cage

Every time I shout and rage

Another bar on the cage

Every time I fight for my right

Another bar on the cage

And when I defend myself?

Another bar on the cage

Whether anger or sorrow

Another bar on the cage

When I object and lobby

Another bar on the cage

Every word, every choice

Only cages me further

Now there’s no longer room,

Only enough to lie down

And sob silently

Which was what you wanted

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Already so much

The burden you make me bear

Yet you heap on more 

Haiku: Fragile

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Life is strong as glass
Yet shatters in a moment
Leaving broken shards

Your Own Fire

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From the ashes you rose?
So happy and joyful with a new man
Another wedding, a new set of vows
Back on track with your life plan

You blame me for ruining your life
Hold me responsible for the fire
Claim you were nothing but a good wife
Say I burned our marriage on a pyre

But you built the fire, log by log:

a log called disrespect
a log called control
a log called contempt
a log called dismissive
a log called sarcasm
a log called neglect
a log called demands
a log called unappreciated
a log called selfishness
a log called indifference

You made me take all the blame
Said it was all my lust and desire
While I may have set the flame
You are the one who built the fire

Our Love Catastrophe

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Round and round we go again
Love and hate and joy and sin

Laughter anger smiles and tears
How many days how many years

Can we continue to do the same?
A hurtful love a hurtful game

Like two broken and beaten souls
Lost with only each other to hold

Neither really feeling good or loved
Yet unable to drag ourselves from the mud

Cut and bruised stained and beaten
Our love changes with the season

Warm in spring and summer
But always returns to winter

Where love freezes and dies
And our hearts weep and cry

Then again weather warms sun does shine
And we believe it will be different this time

Yet it is only the beginning of our cycle
Never ending like our denial

That we are not actually meant to be
Our love is always a catastrophe.

Broken heart shards

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Your heart broke again and you throw the sharp pieces at me in anger
So many times you’ve cut me with the shards of your heart that’s shattered

Nicks and cuts oozing blood, soaking my clothes red as my head gets light
Your broken heart constantly shoved in my face and used to attack me as we fight

I tried valiantly to protect it, to guard it, to keep it safe from harm and damage
Your heart was already so damaged, so broken, so fragile it isn’t even sage in a carriage

Let alone out in the world dancing, drinking, promising to be strong and love me well
Still I tried to carry it through the storms and attacks from you, but sometimes I fell

Now my hands are shredded, glass embedded from all the fights and violent attacks
I can’t even carry all the brokenness of your heart as it crumbles and cracks

In my eagerness to love and desire to carry your heart and protect it I continue
Even though it’s slowly killing me while it pierces my flesh and slices my sinew

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