Been a While

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It’s been a while

Since you’ve hurt me this badly

It was just a matter of time sadly

When I needed you, you weren’t here

You were out with friends drinking beer

And more? How will I ever know?

I guess it wasn’t even that long ago

That you blew me off and blew someone else

Then made me feel the fault was in myself

So talented at making me the bad guy

While you have fun and roll so high

All the while blaming me for your deeds

Leaving me with my unfulfilled needs

Then mocking me for the feelings I have

Holding my broken heart as you laugh

And spit in my face while I cry

Hurting me to the point I’d rather die


Building my Cage

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Born free?


Every actions and reaction

Another bar on the cage

Every hurt and every pain

Another bar on the cage

Every time I cry aloud

Another bar on the cage

Every time I shout and rage

Another bar on the cage

Every time I fight for my right

Another bar on the cage

And when I defend myself?

Another bar on the cage

Whether anger or sorrow

Another bar on the cage

When I object and lobby

Another bar on the cage

Every word, every choice

Only cages me further

Now there’s no longer room,

Only enough to lie down

And sob silently

Which was what you wanted

Broken heart shards

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Your heart broke again and you throw the sharp pieces at me in anger
So many times you’ve cut me with the shards of your heart that’s shattered

Nicks and cuts oozing blood, soaking my clothes red as my head gets light
Your broken heart constantly shoved in my face and used to attack me as we fight

I tried valiantly to protect it, to guard it, to keep it safe from harm and damage
Your heart was already so damaged, so broken, so fragile it isn’t even sage in a carriage

Let alone out in the world dancing, drinking, promising to be strong and love me well
Still I tried to carry it through the storms and attacks from you, but sometimes I fell

Now my hands are shredded, glass embedded from all the fights and violent attacks
I can’t even carry all the brokenness of your heart as it crumbles and cracks

In my eagerness to love and desire to carry your heart and protect it I continue
Even though it’s slowly killing me while it pierces my flesh and slices my sinew


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Some complain and others praise
But I’ve no idea why they say
What they say to my face
For I’ve no idea how I look this day

In wonder I sought a looking glass
Desperate to know what it is I project
This turned out to be a difficult task
I sought a picture with me the subject

I went to my mom and asked for a view
Who else would know me deeper
Than the woman who birthed me through?
I cried at what I found, no better.

She reflected an image to me in brokenness
She held up a mirror and let me gaze
The shattered pieces showed a mess
I couldn’t make out myself in the haze

Still hurt and confused and lost
I asked my wife my best friend
To help me see myself at any cost
I needed to know myself before the end

So she too invited me to look and see
Gladly she wanted to help and fix
Let me look in the mirror she held up to me
Her mirror too was cracked, ugliness it depicts

Feeling worse than ever I looked to my father
Tortured and twisted his mind became
His words were nonsense and his thoughts a quagmire
He was fading and was increasingly insane

Still I wanted to know if he had insight
Whether he could help me find my path
Alas his words were scared, full of fright
His life a failure, broken with cancer’s wrath

Once more I tried desperately to find
A person, anyone, who could help me see
My way out of a cage, out of my binds
My soul ached, cried and screamed to be free

A person gentle and warm and caring
Gave me rest, held me as pain passed
Then uncovered her mirror for my viewing
That image too frightened me, her mirror I smashed

Alone I was left with no one but me
Still wanting to know myself, my need
At last I lifted up my own mirror to see
What I saw took away any glee

I too was broken, shattered into pieces
Distorted and ugly was the man staring back
I screamed at the horror as pain increases
Seeing there was nothing, nothing but lack.
I was completely shattered
Shattered into pieces

I’ll Fly to You

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I wish this were not true
but I cannot pretend
That I don’t regularly think of you
I miss you so my friend
And my soul without you is blue
My love I bottle and send
but it returns always same as new
I fear that we’ve reached the end
Yet in our painful absence I grew
My broken heart did mend
My soul no longer caged, flew
Say the word and it’s you I’ll fly to

Sonnets: Dark

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Smothered in darkness, no light to be found.

Engulfs me like a night that will not end.

Unable to run I crawl on the ground.

So dark, on my sight I cannot depend.


My senses so dulled I can see nothing.

The sun will not rise, the stars cannot shine.

Confined in my cell alone, suffering.

I cannot speak but only moan and whine.


Give me a glimmer of hope in the light.

Please send me a sign that a life can glow.

Warming my heart and restoring my sight.

My soul needs some light in order to grow.


And so I will wait for the day you come.

To raise me from the dead, no longer numb.

Sonnets to God 2

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A whirlwind swirls around me all the time.

Pelting me with rubble, debris and trash.

Even those I love just seem to malign.

With all the commotion I collapse fast.


Face crashing to the earth, mouth full of dirt.

Hands grasping the ground for anything real.

But each breath and each movement only hurts.

Agonizing, no longer want to feel.


Rolling to my back my eyes burn with dust.

Tears begin to cleanse them like sweet fresh rain.

You spirit breathes life in me as a gust.

Finally I can see the bright sky again.


There is your face, kind and generous.

Your love is healing, your mercy endless.

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